We can be so desperate to grow up and make those big life decisions and feel like grown-ups, things like buying a car or a house, starting a family, getting married, that we overlook how hard it can be. We spend so much of our youth struggling for freedom, trying to break free from someone else making our decisions and rebelling against our parents, trying to carve our own path. I remember now because instead of making all these big life decisions, we’d all rather be sitting on the couch watching cartoons. So, if love is at the heart of every big decision we’re trying to make, and at the end of the decision-making process someone you love is going to be happy (either you or them), then why is it still so damn hard?Īhhh, that’s right…. I believe those two types of love have to be separate because you have to love yourself first before you can love someone else and you can’t rely solely on someone else to give you all the love you need to sustain yourself AND them. Whether we realise it or not, when it comes to big decisions, we’re trying to find a balance between the love we have ourselves and the love we have for someone else. Maybe it’s the love you have for the other person that makes you so determined to make the right choice? And if so, is that really a bad thing? Your neighbours may say yes if you’re yelling at each other at 10pm every night, they’re likely to launch a plastic bottle through your window containing a handwritten note that says, “You idiots! You love each other! You both want the same thing ! Now shut up and go to sleep!” yea, that thing… (that’s an appropriate reference, right?… I don’t play poker). If life were a poker game, love would definitely be the thing… in poker games… that…uh… makes the stakes go up. So, if deep down you’re both hoping for the same outcome, how come it’s so difficult? Why does adding L-O-V-E into the mix, make everything so much more difficult? One of you wants one thing, while the other wants something else.įunnily enough, even though on the surface our wants can look totally different and their end outcomes can also look totally different, usually we all just want the same thing… for the other person to be happy. In a perfect world they would both result in the same action, but often they don’t. Usually, you’re just making decisions for yourself, but when your significant other comes into it, all of a sudden you’re trying to make decisions with two outcomes: One that makes them happy and one that makes you happy. Throwing the love you have for someone else into the decision-making process is a real spanner in the works. If making decisions on your own is relatively easy, why does it become so hard when your significant other is involved? What’s changed here? Oh yes, the addition of looooooove (I imagine that is said in a deep, smooth Barry White voice, so if you didn’t read it that way the first time I really recommend you go back and do it again okay.) As things get a little more serious, or a lot more serious, the decisions get bigger and bigger and somehow things go from being decision-making easy to decision-making hard. Where should we eat? What are you wearing out tonight? Do you want to see a movie? Yep, it’s all fun and games…. Next thing you know you’re all grown up, living out of home and in a relationship and it’s fun having someone else make decisions with you. It’s a desperate struggle to get your independence and have the responsibility and ability to make those choices. Who you hang out with, when you come home, what you wear, how much makeup you have on. They make these decisions because we’re little and don’t have the life experience or information available to us to make them for ourselves, which makes sense because at 8 years old you’d much rather watch cartoons than go to school.Īs we start to get older, the whole ‘other people making all your decisions for you’ gig starts to get old and all you want to do is make your own decisions. What to wear, what to eat, where to go, when to sleep, what to read and so on. When we’re growing up, our parents make nearly all our decisions for us.
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